A few weeks ago, I met with a group of ladies for a civic dinner. A civic dinner is a group of people coming together to have meaningful conversations over a meal. Our overarching topic was entitled, “The Voice of Women.” This group was comprised of women who are business owners or in very high ranking positions in their fields. We came together to discuss various issues that plague women today.
One of the women in the group posed the question, “Can women really have it all?” Can we have a husband, be ambitious, have goals, launch businesses, care for the home, and take care of the children and ourselves all at the same time? There were various opinions as we went around the room to hear the thoughts of each woman on the subject.
One said she thinks women can have it all, just not at the same time.
Another woman disagreed and said she believes that we can have it all at the same time, but she did not elaborate. Although something inside of me agreed with her, I wanted to hear her thoughts on why she felt that way. I think deep down, I wanted some scientific proof or her to point out a living example of a woman that was doing it to substantiate her thought process.
Needless to say, the discussion quickly became quite interesting as we respectfully listened with the intent to understand each other’s viewpoint.
Then someone mentioned both the husband and wife cannot be goal-oriented and ambitious- that someone has to take the back seat, before she finally settled on, “Maybe we can have it all like Oprah, but you would need a husband like Stedman.” We laughed and continued with dessert and the next topic.
After giving my pleasantries, I left to head home. The question about having it all was still plaguing me, especially after I thought about one of the most powerful women in America right now – Michelle Obama and her journey of ‘Becoming.’ I prayed and asked the question, “God, can we as wives do what you’ve placed in our hearts, and serve You, our husbands and our families, the church, and our communities?” Can we really do it all at the same time without feeling like we are just ready to throw in the towel and quit – usually our husbands? Do we really have to put what you’ve placed in our hearts on hold to support our husband’s dreams and careers or until the children are grown? The answer did not come right away, but I was awakened around 3:00 a.m. with Proverbs 31 in my spirit.
I love the book of Proverbs because it teaches us Godly wisdom, Godly discipline, and how to live our everyday lives in a practical, yet godly way.
As I opened the Bible app on my phone, I read several different versions of the text and was blown away with what I saw. I have read this chapter many times; however, this time I had a paradigm shift as if I was reading it for the first time. So, let’s look at the following passage of Scripture, Proverbs 31:10-31 (The Virtuous Wife).
One version of the Bible refers to her as a wife of noble character, and another version calls her the wife who does all things well. After reading the text, I drew one conclusion…she was bad to the B-O-N-E! Verse 10 begins by posing a question, “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies”. This tells me that she is valuable but rare. She is a trustworthy wife, and her husband’s heart is safe with her – and he knows it because she brings him no harm. She is a hard worker; diligently working with her hands and utilizing her God-given talents. She is not lazy because (v. 15) tells us that she rises early and goes to bed late (v. 18). She is not poor because (v. 16) tells us that she considers a field (land, real estate) before she buys it, and plants a vineyard with her profits (re-invests), so she is a wise business woman. She is a woman of compassion and is charitable because (v. 20) tells us that she extends her hands to the poor and reaches out to help those in need. She is well-dressed in fine garments physically (v. 22) and wears strength and honor intrinsically (v. 25). Her husband is not some regular old Joe. She is married to a well-known and respected man (v. 23). She is an entrepreneur (v. 24) reveals that she makes linen clothing and sells them. She is kind and cares for her household and her maidservant (v.27). She is revered by her children and praised by her husband (v. 28).
After giving a depiction of an excellent wife, a woman of virtue, it ends by telling us that “Charm is deceitful and beauty fades, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised (v. 30).
I thought to myself, this is a woman with outstanding abilities and excellent character. Again, I asked God what was He trying to reveal to me by waking me up at 3:00 am to read this after my question, “Can Women Really Have it All at the Same Time?” She is the complete model of womanhood and an affirmative answer of “yes,” we really can have it all at the same time. Although, every woman will not reach this level because the first verse tells us she is rare. However, we can learn from her hard work, respect for her husband, how she cares for household and others, her concern for the poor, her wisdom in finances, great decision-making, entrepreneurship, and good stewardship.
Although she has many accomplishments, her attractiveness and beauty comes from her character and her fear of the Lord. We can use her as a model and continue to strive to be a woman of virtue – A woman who has it all at the same time.